Lots of growing

 I feel like overall this week has been really good to me, besides wednesday. Ive taken care of myself really well the last couple of weeks and it's paid off in many ways. I also feel like ive grown/realized/healed on a deeper level this week. I should probably write this all in my journal, but it's 4am so you're getting it here on the blog. So I'll try my best to explain what I mean. Well where to begin... I guess you could say this year hasn't been easy peasy for me. Honestly it's been nothing but difficult difficult. Between being run ragged with my school/work schedule to losing my best friend to my joint problems making it miserable to do anything and being angry with the world and God and all the other stuff life throws at you... I guess ive been depressed. I decided I was sick of sitting in this awful state so I started helping myself by seeing a therapist. Skip to three sessions in and I would say Im cured at the moment haha. Or at least Ive been really good the last couple of weeks. So that was my report to Rylee (my therapist) in this weeks appointment. But I came to the conclusion its because Ive had balance in my life the last couple of weeks. I had a week off school, which means my stress levels have been down, which then means I can run and honestly I didn't know how much good a 25 minute run twice a week felt for my mind. Ive also had more time / purposefully made more time to fill my cup up with the people I love. First - it was Emma's birthday on the 2nd and Drews on the 12th which meant multiple visits to hangout and give birthday presents. I also had them over for Sunday dinner which I hadn't done in a long time. Ive also seen Karee this week more than I have in the last few months which makes me happy. Since school is back in full swing - Ive had a goal to still keep a balanced life for the sake of my happiness and so far so good. So yeah that's one way this week (and the last couple) has been good to me. 

Quick intermission for some weekly photos - me in clinic mon, tues, and thurs. Hmm lets see what cool things did I do this week... ingrown toenail removal, punch biopsy of a mole on the face, plantar fasciitis injection and a whole lotta other normal boring stuff. As you can see I gave myself wednesday off... why might you ask... I had lots to do that day. First things first I got my oil changed (boring), then the first bad thing of the day happened... I was super excited for this utah videographer to announce where she's taking a group tour to next march.  I told myself if it's anywhere I hadn't been - I was gonna book the trip. I was super excited because I'm just ready to travel next spring... well they announced the trip and it's somewhere lame that I didn't want to go. So that was a let down. Next on the to do list was my therapy appointment at noon. I just do my appointments over zoom so I drove to UVU and did my appointment in the car. All because Charlie Kirk was doing his "prove me wrong" campaign at UVU at noon. So my plan was to walk over right after my appointment and listen to the person who literally got me so psyched for this last years election. The last 10 minutes of my appointment I started getting some text messages first from a co-worker, then from my dad. to be honest, I just saw who the texts were from and I didn't really look at what they said bc I was still in my meeting. Then I got a missed call from dad. And more missed texts from my co-worker. I honestly just thought people were stoked that I was about to be in the presence of thee Charlie Kirk. Well I was wrong. After my appointment I quickly jumped out of my car and started walking towards campus. My dad called me again. I think the first thing he asked me was where are you? I told him I was walking over to campus. Then he told me Charlie had just been shot. My heart sank. I didn't want to believe it and I definitely didn't want to believe it was fatal. I quickly called Jesse - she was meeting me at the other end of the parking lot. I told her what my dad had just told me then we did what most Gen Zers would do and took to instagram. The first thing I saw was the horrific video of his assassination. I quite literally became sick after watching it. All the texts from others who knew I was going to see him that day started coming in asking if I was ok. I was angry and sad and super shaken up. Im still unsure why this event had me and still has me so distraught, but I think A. it was event I literally cleared my schedule for. I was so excited to go and see and learn and in the end he was murdered?! what the heck. B. it happened so close to home - I quite literally lived on UVU campus not long ago and Im still in disbelief that something like that could happen in Orem, UT. Lastly, I think many people are so sickened by this event because he had nothing but good intentions for this country, especially for the young people. I was a big fan. Ive watched and rewatched many of his videos and the whole thing is still so unsettling. Anyways - wednesday and Thursday were both very solemn days that just felt like everyone in the country was experiencing some kind of darkness from what happened on wed sept 10th. I ended up crying in the parking lot and quite literally praying for a miracle. But because of all this I've realized how important it really is to stand up for what is right. Not being afraid to speak about political views and especially not holding back sharing my testimony of Jesus Christ. We have to try and look at the positive in all of this, but kinda hard when the world is so evil. But yeah - that's why my wednesday was ruined. I just think it's ironic that I got off the phone with my therapist saying everything has been great then I literally start crying like five minutes after I hang up. Oh well, that's life. 

After going home and spending some alone time in my mortified state - I went to Madi's because it's wednesday and by now you should know what that means. This was the second to last episode of the season and Im really sad that we're almost done with our weekly hangout nights. My appetite had been gone all day due to the day's earlier event so I was starving and we treated ourselves to seven brothers. Madi's first time! A fun night and a really good episode. Thursday was a really slow day at the clinic then I spent the night at Karee's and we played volleyball with some of her friends. Feels good to socialize every now and then. haha I joked (except I think I was being completely honest) with karee and said the last time I hung out with her and this group of people was the last time I actually hung out with people... she responded with "we haven't hung out with them since winter." and that folks is how often I get out... twice a year. Go me. 

Friday was a big self care day haha. Lots of stuff not pictured... but started the morning with a four miler with karee, then we went to loyly for sauna and cold plunge THEN we went to slackwater for lunch. Karee's first time! Delicious as always. I will say doing cold plunge and sauna right after running - you can really feel a difference in recovery. Great way to start the morning. 

I finished off my self care day with a facial and of course getting my car washed. A big win for me this day. See, healing mind and body - look at me. Also shoutout to Drewby McBooby. Friday was his 24th birthday *cough old man *cough. I saw him on Thursday where I dropped off his present... a gift card and a full homemade cheesecake just for him. Went to bed early Friday to get ready for something special...

The first annual Erin Hurst Memorial run! It was a fun, chilly morning reuniting with all the wing women. I can't believe this was my first time back in emery county since the funeral. I woke up at 0430 Saturday morning and honestly not even thinking to pack too much of anything warm - I mean I still feel like it's summer. Well it aint summer in EC I'll tell ya that. I think it was in the 40s, but I survived. Everyone thought I was crazy. I was the only one of the wing women to run the 5k... it makes me laugh when people ask the wing women if they are still running. A majority of the girls have this look of disgust as if it's absurd to ask college runners if they are still running ahah. So yeah, not too many of them still run these days - kinda funny. So there was this one girl I wanted to beat in the 5k. I shouldn't name names on here just in case, but let's just say Erin had some wild stories about this girl. Erin didn't ever hate anyone, but I wouldn't call this girl her best friend haha anyways when we started the 5k I told Katelyn "I gotta beat ____" Her response: "If you don't Erin is gonna be mad." Im disappointed to say she came back and beat me in the last 200m. But she's legit training for the stg marathon and I max out my mileage at maybe 6 miles a week. So I'll get her next year. And for the record I think Erin is proud and happy that Im running at all. I hit a 22:40ish which is legit probably my slowest 5k ever, especially for how this course was pretty good down hill - but that's ok. I hit my goal of sub 24. baby steps. 

Me struggling at my 7 minute pace

All for Erin - Im reading a book right now on grief and it's all about the importance of finding meaning in the life or the loss of the person you love. I love how Erin was able to plan out all these cool things for all of us to remember her by. I think through the life she lived and the person she was - she makes it easy to find meaning through all this grief. I look forward to doing this run every year for her surrounded by the people she loved. Another thing that is spoken about in my book is how it's crucial to have grief be witnessed. It's an interesting concept, but I can say it's true and very relevant for me. I think I love being surrounded by Erin's people because I know they feel how I feel and they are going through the same things I am. The shirt says no one fights alone and now I feel like there are many meanings to that. Of course Erin didn't fight alone - she had friends, family and her Savior. But none of us are fighting this trial alone either. We all gathered to remember her and speak of her and celebrate her. 

After finishing the 5k I ran back up to finish the 3k walk with the gals.

As I was getting shuttled up to the registration area from the parking lot I was in a van with some local EC people who I didn't know. They had said something that led me to say "I'm not from here, I live in Salt lake" they were shocked that I traveled all this way for the 5k. I let them know I ran with Erin at DSU and told them actually every single one of our friends had made longer commutes than me to be there that morning. I think it's actually so impressive that everyone made the time to come from as far as st. George to Ogden. 

Good group of people. Feels like just yesterday we were all little DSU runners, but also it feels like that was a whole lifetime ago. None of us would still be in touch if it weren't for Erin and I think we all love her enough to stay connected for her haha. We are already planning our yearly Jazz game this winter for Erin. It was a fun, exhausting morning. We all went to the Hursts house to warm up and eat some lunch. We turned on Erin's funeral video and just hung out in the basement. 

Got to play with little Wrigley. I don't enjoy touching dogs, but I feel obligated to love this dog. Luckily she's a cute little thing. I left Erins around noon and had enough time to get a little nap in before work that night. Well it was a good week for the most part. What are the ups without the downs? I started this blog this morning at 4am and now it's midnight. I have two patients tonight and one talks my ear off while the other is incontinent to bowel and has diarrhea. yay me - Ive already cleaned him up twice and I officially smell like sh*t. I won't exactly miss this part when I become an NP. Well on that note, I need to do homework.