My Best Friend

 

Today I received news that at 0740 this morning by very best friend, more like a sister, graduated this life. Like I said in the prior blog post I have been so overwhelmed with so many different emotions over the past week especially. I was able to FaceTime Erin and her family yesterday afternoon. I burst into tears when I saw Erin. Honestly, right then I wanted her so badly to be able to go and move on from this life. Ive experienced her suffer and endure many trials here on earth but seeing her in that moment I wanted it all to be gone from her. I spoke with her family for a little bit and then was able to say some final words to my best friend. She's been fairly unresponsive / in and out the last couple days so I wasnt expecting much of a response - I just wanted to talk to her one more time. I said "Hi my sweet Erin" she was barely able to slightly open her eyes and then I told her that I love her so so much. She croaked out an "I love you too" and of course I broke down. It's a little moment that will be engraved in my heart forever and ever. Last night, myself and many others prayed for her to be able to move on from this world. This morning I was in the shower and got a call from Katelyn (her sister) around 0810. I knew exactly what the call was for. She did it. She had been talking for weeks about how ready she was and it happened. At 0740 there was a great reunion in heaven with Erin, her brothers, Heather and so many others - oh and her dogs, she said she was super excited to see all her dogs. Doesn't mean I wasnt completely dreading this phone call. This phone call meant it was final, but I will say even through the tears I felt so much relief this morning. Within even the last 24 hours Ive already experienced so many moments of wanting to send something to Erin or wanting to tell her something on Marco Polo or wanting to talk about the BYU game last night. Not looking forward to this void she has left empty in my life, but looking forward to having her with me always and living life in memory of her and in the way she would want to be living her life. With all that being said - I love to reminisce and I love writing so Im going to document our friendship from beginning to end (as much as I remember, she always remembered things better than I do). Here we go!

Just wee little freshmen babies. We met as freshmen at DSU on the cross country team. Honestly we weren't friends at first. We kinda fell into two different groups. BUT Erin told me she so badly wanted to be apart of the "cool girls" lol that was the group I was in I guess. So blessed mama tara told her to go for it and be our friends - and that's exactly what she did. My first memory of Erin was her coming up to us at practice and saying "Hey, y'all wanna come up to a spook alley in SLC with me this weekend?" Im pretty sure all of us said ok knowing it probably wouldn't happen, but news flash - she wasnt kidding and it happened! and Im so glad it did because that right there is why we became friends. Erin drove us up north and made a detour to her hometown to show us her farm. haha I still laugh that she legit drove an extra 2 hours just to show us her hometown - but I love it. My next favorite memory from this weekend is we got dinner at the Wendy's in Price. We were on the rode driving away from the Wendy's when someone realized they were missing an order of chicken nuggets. Erin straight up pulls the wildest U turn in the middle of the road and yells "you gotta be shittin' me" we all died laughing at this moment. One of my favorite qualities of Erin was her swearing. It sure did prove she grew up on the farm. 

Erin made her way as the fifth member of the "cool xc girls group" haha Im totally kidding when I say that - but we started calling ourselves the fab 5. It's not that noticeable but the rock we are all posing around legit says fab 5 (and no we didn't write it) this was while hiking around the D. 

Lots of fun memories through freshman year - this was us spying on Isabelle while she was on a date with her now husband. 

Baseball games

Our epic all-nighter that ended with Angels landing at sunrise. 

This night will go down in history as one of the wildest. We started the night with a terrible concert at DSU. I forget the bands name, but they were so high on weed and they kept calling St. George, Georgetown. so they'd come on stage and yell "How we doing Georgetown?!?" ahah it was terrible. Then we got some Taco Bell and played a prank on Billie that she, in turn, gave us the silent treatment for a majority of the night. We played some sand volley ball and were almost mugged/robbed while at the courts by these sketchy teenage boys. Then watched some movies and finally Zion - crazy. 

Can't forget all the mems from xc and track meets. 

Sophomore year was a lot more fun because we already knew each other hence the funny team photos. 

My fish died so we held a funeral then immediately went and bought a new one. 

Pool parties

Erin literally giving me a tramp stamp - this is one of my fav photos

I was the president of the service club so you better believe I made Erin come help out

We had both ordered a milkshake, but they only brought one so we romantically shared it haha. 

We had a tradition at this point of hitting a spook alley up north each year. This year we did asylum 49 which is one where you can be touched. then we slept at Erins and spent the day riding horses and doing country girl sh*t as Erin would say. 

Halloween DSU athlete trunk or treat night

and a dance party afterwards duhhh. Erin and I started becoming closer at this point - hanging out by ourselves and dance parties kind of became our thing from then on out. 

True friend. this night Sara and I decided to try out the halloween party / kiss everyone party at DSU. Erin wanted to support but didn't want to come so she came with but just slept in the car ahah. don't worry - Sara and I didn't last long so Erin was probably only in the car for 15 minutes. 

wore our PJs on the flight to Denver for a race - that race was so dang cold

More dance parties

Spring semester of our sophomore year is when I left for my trip to Lithuania. This is also the semester that the cancer began. At first, it was a pain in her hand while lifting weights, then a lump on her hand. She didn't have any other symptoms of something serious, in fact, she ran the best season of her running career that track season. Her and her family decided to wait till summer, when she moved back home, to get things checked out. 

This is the last picture I have with her before I left that January across the world. That summer I came back is when things just turned upside down. When I heard the news I really couldn't believe it. It didn't seem real and even though the doctors were sounding very serious (using terms like stage 4, 15% chance of living and so forth) I still didnt have a doubt in my mind that she would be ok. Im sure it was a little bit of naiveness on my part, but id like to think it was also some faith. 

The next year and a half consisted of lots of facetimes

And being able to see her at random events like state xc if she felt good enough. It was a long, tough battle and she fought hard. After a year, I believe, she became cancer free on May 21, 2020. Erin and I have always joked / seriously know that our friendship has grown over the years because of the trials each of us are given. Erin and I couldn't be more opposite in a lot of aspects of life, but I think we share the gift of loyalty to those we love. Because of this we seriously grew so much stronger as friends with every hard thing dealt to us. That's one thing I love about her and one thing Im gonna miss is having that loyal friend that I know is there for me no matter what. 

We celebrated her victory with lots and lots of swim parties. This one in particular was a "surprise" birthday party for her that she told me to plan haha. 

This right here is another favorite memory - in dorm rooms we only have itty bitty twin beds, but I wasnt about to let my best friend sleep on the floor so we snuggled. Two grown women sharing a tiny bed. Honestly it worked out great and we did this many times. 

Lots and lots of trips to beautiful Emery County

She's normally a a really good driver and parker, but maybe some residual chemo was still in her brain at this point haha. 

Jazz games galore

She introduced me to the greatest chocolate milk. She came over to my house one day drinking this dutchbros drink. Dutchbros is a coffee place so I was like bruh why are you drinking coffee. She joked for a second, but then told me its the greatest chocolate milk. It's been our thing ever since and I will never drink dutch bros without thinking about Erin. 

Cancer sucks - but I loved being able to see the lessons it taught Erin as well as those who were close to her. Erin always loved life. Like seriously loved it. But after cancer she didn't just love it, she never took it for granted either. Every second was precious and every day was a blessing. She lived life to the fullest and did whatever the heck she wanted and didn't care what anyone else thought. Ya know - I really wanted to grow old with Erin because I knew life would be so fun forever with her in it. All my crazy adventures and aspirations she was down to do with me. We got quite a few crazy and spontaneous adventures in, but man I was really hoping she'd be around for a few more. 

More time in EC. I believe this trip we were branding the cows and maybe separating the moms and babies??

Most times when visiting emery county there is some type of wedding or city event that I get to go to. Seriously part of the family. I love the Hurst family and as I think about these last few years all I can think about is how much they did for me even when Erin was the one struggling. They are all so welcoming, loving and selfless. I can't thank them enough for allowing me to be the sixth hurst sister. 

These pictures come from one of Erin and I's favorite memories together. As she struggled through cancer I did my best to be there for her. When I was struggling at a low point in my life she came to the rescue. 

This was my favorite country artist at the time and Erin maybe knew a few of his songs. She didn't hesitate to book tickets with me and spend the weekend in Vegas. A freaking night to remember and a true homie.

We were so dang close to the stage. This night, with the help of Erin, I was able to gain some happiness back into my life and feel more myself again. 

We also got hit up by some cowboys on the strip - sad thing is they weren't cute or else maybe the night would've been even more crazy hahah Jk. Instead we headed home hyped up on Bang caffeine and drove into St.g around 3 am. 

more dutchbros

Erin eased the burden of moving back up north in January of 2022

This is when Erin was living in St. George attending DSU to get her PTA degree. I saw her so much because I was constantly visiting home. 

The Habit will always be a tradition for us all

At this point it's just a personality trait of ours. 

She brought out the cowgirl in me. 

This was my first ever cattle drive. We camped with Erin's whole mom's side of the family and gathered cows on the mountain called 9 mile. It was the first time I had ever ridden a horse besides next to Erin in the corral. They pretty much threw me on the horse, gave me a few tips on how to guide the horse and then said to "follow us". Welp I did just that. Grandpa Sherrell at the end of the day said I looked like a natural out there. Best compliment Ive ever received. It was honestly the funnest day. Made me want to be a real cowgirl. 

Oh gosh - even more dutch bros. Can't stop won't stop

It's her pleasure. 

2023 started out with a bang - having Erin in the temple with me was so special. And we continued to go to many temples together. As much fun as we had - she was also such a good friend to have meaningful gospel discussions with. Many of our other friends had either left the church or were never apart of it so we seemed to lean on each other for spiritual aspects of life too. Like I said - we were so different in so many ways, but so similar as well. And we definitely just got each other with religious means. We would openly talk about how we needed to better ourselves, what we were struggling with and how we were succeeding in other areas. I loved having sleepovers with her because before going to bed she would always open her scriptures. I made her read them out loud so I would get credit too. We spoke many long nights on the plan of salvation and I truly believe that is one reason that she was so ready to go. She knew there was a plan for her beyond death. And as for me being stuck on earth - it makes it just a little bit better knowing she is still dancing on the other side and watching over me and the rest of us here on earth. I love having a friend who makes me want to be better, but also isn't afraid to admit she's just human as well and Erin is that perfect balance. 

Visiting me at work! After a clean set of scans! 

Always good when the scans come back free of cancer.

More Jazz time! 

More temple time. Dang I miss her. 

I spoke of spontaneous adventures earlier... Well this was one of those. I had the idea of sleeping out of my car and hiking around capitol reef NP and goblin valley. 

It was a beautiful weekend

Us, surprisingly, sleeping very comfortably in the back of my car. Honestly - we slept good. Except we were stupid and not prepared at all. First of all we forgot phone chargers and we were literally in the middle of nowhere. The next morning we did a slot canyon hike that Erin said would take like 2 hours... well 8 miles and many hours later we returned to the car. did I mention we only packed one granola bar each for breakfast that morning. We survived to tell the epic story though and that's all that matters. 

Haha if Erin was here she would make sure to remind me how straight up hangry I got on the drive home from this trip. When I say she is more like a sister than a friend it's because she knew how to really drive me crazy and piss me off sometimes haha. This particular trip she definitely knew I was sick and tired of driving and she actually was smart and left me alone. lol sometimes she would just egg it on. It still turned out to be such a fun weekend and we got to see some pretty cool spots. 

Erins first time hiking the Y. I warned her it sucks and indeed she agreed it sucked. 

Cowgirlin' around on my horse ole Mac and Erin's horse Hutch.

This specific trip we shot quite a few little jimmy dogs. There was this one jimmy dog on the run and I start hanging out of the truck while Erin is driving and I actually got him. We were both dying laughing at how hick-like that probably looked. It was epic though. 

The iconic sticker she got me for my birthday

I swear she is not shooting my head. Her gun is behind my head haha but that's why this picture was never posted to the public

Cheer squad for our siblings

This trip makes me both so happy, but so sad. Little did we know Erin's cancer was growing at this point and it just makes me mad to think about it. This was the last weekend trip we ever did. 

Boy was it a wild weekend though. Knotts scary farm the first night we got into California and a long day at the park the next day

So many scary mazes and spooks around the park. And we squoze in some rides that night too. 

We were EXHAUSTED as you can tell

And no lines the next day at the park was magical. 

So a couple weeks later Erin had her regular 3 month scans. Just in June, they were clean. Well these ones weren't so nice. I was working that day and we had plans to eat lunch together after her scans. She picked up costa vida and met me in the courtyard of the VA where we would usually have lunch. With tears in her eyes she told me "it's back" all I remember is both of us just crying together. I don't think I quite believed it at first. And once it settled in I remember it feeling a lot different than the first time she was diagnosed. I think already experiencing what cancer is like had Erin nervous and her friends and family unsure if they were ready to witness it again. It's a beast. And it's hard watching someone you love have to go through it. I also remember feeling different in a way that was less hopeful than the first time. This time felt serious. I had a deep down feeling that this time might not work out like the last one did. BUT Erin sure did fight like hell just like she did the first time. 

She was soon blessed with many thoughts, prayers and gifts like the first time around. A neighbor of hers bought out a box at a jazz game for her family and friends. We were able to go onto the court and high five all the players as they ran onto the court. It was a dream for Erin. There were actually so many amazing miracles that have happened in this last year - it's pretty amazing. 

Back to spending lots and lots of time at the hospital. There were also many scary obstacles that happened with this round of treatment as well. One of them being a very scary reaction to a new chemo they were using this go around. It was a necessary chemo so they kept her on it the whole treatment and just pre-medicated her and ran it extra slow. 

And cancer brings lots and lots of FaceTiming and Marco poloing. This is one of my favorite pictures. 

Sometimes Erin felt good enough to stay with me for a day and I would take her to appointments while she was up here. Plus we had fun like temple open houses

And pizookies from the chocolate

This right here is one of my favorite miracles. We had booked these Luke combs tickets before she was rediagnosed. So the goal all along was to make it to the concert. Well she had radiation (and a break from chemo) not long before the weekend of the concert. The doctors were going to set her up on a schedule back on chemo that would place her big chemo week on the week of the concert. I honestly don't remember exactly what changed, but in the end the doctors changed the chemo regimen to be the smallest chemo on the week of the concert so that Erin would have the best chance of feeling her best. Her doctors were always such good sports about Erin still being able to live her life and I really appreciated that. The concert was a blast. We danced and sang for as long as we could and took breaks during the slow songs to sit down and catch our breaths. Erin was still fairly sick - pretty sure she was in need of a blood transfusion the week after this - but was smart with wearing her mask and not catching anything. She's always been a germophobe though so that comes easy.  

I sure do love her so much. As Im writing this I still don't think its completely hit me. Im so super sad that there's no more memories to be had with her, but I can't explain how grateful I am for the memories I do have with her. And I'm not lying when I say I will show off these memories, reminisce and talk about Erin till the day I reunite with her. then we'll reminisce together. 

More country girl sh*t. I bought myself a hat that says "this actually is my first rodeo" and one for Erin that says "not gonna hold my horses" haha. There came a point this summer where doctors had a scheduled "end of treatment" date. I was stoked. Erin was stoked. She had done it again! So in Laynee fashion I booked us a celebratory trip to Belize. I was so excited to take Erin out of the country and show her one of my favorite places. Less than a week later her scans came back to show treatment had stopped working. I was devastated. how??? Her doctors let her know that this is exactly what her type of sarcoma does. It is a resilient SOB and it fights back. Her doctors told her that this is their least favorite type of cancer to treat due to the aggressive nature of it. At this point Erin was given the opportunity to start a clinical trial at Primary Children's. Her cancer is technically pediatric so she changed care teams for a little bit and hopped over across the street to primarys. 

Im honestly shocked it took us this long in our friendship for Erin to get me to be a BYU fan. This was my first ever BYU football game. Actually first ever football game. And you could say Im converted. Another big reason Im converted is how supportive the football players were to Erin. They sent her videos of encouragement and love and gave her a signed ball and so much more. I was super impressed. Erin is truly the biggest BYU fan you'll ever meet and now I kinda get it. Looking forward to cheering on BYU on behalf of my friend. 

The clinical trial was no walk in the park either. There were scary times as well with what the natural killer cells did to her body. This specific time I remember Tara had posted something about a complication and I couldn't sleep that night because I was so worried. This is when her lung started filling with fluid and she was quite literally drowning. I picked them up some dinner one night and we watched the BYU game. next door to Erin was a little baby and one of the first plays of the game she jumps up and yells at the TV. haha we all laughed for a second and then realized we probably need to keep it down considering we were in a hospital. 

It turned out to be such a fun night. I stayed there till after midnight because the game was so close and so good. I wish I remember the team they were playing, but we ended up winning. All season I just knew the cougs were playing for her. 

Let's just say all of our last memories pretty much surrounded BYU football - this one was a favorite for sure. Lol I have a lot of favorites obviously

BYU vs UT - byu was undefeated at this point and I was stoked to watch history and have them beat UT. I forget the exact stats but lets just say its been a heck of a long time since BYU beat UT especially at UT's stadium 

It was a freaking nail-biter game. One of those games where byu fans started leaving the stadium early, but then had to turn around. So much crap talking, fighting and lots of harsh language. Saints vs sinners and who won?? Im telling ya they played for Erin. 22-21 for BYU. My favorite part was hearing Erin turn to her dad and say "I'm so grateful Im alive to witness this game" She was blessed with some awesome experiences in the last couple months of life. 

couldn't be more happy to have experienced it with her. 

More pizookie action. Her clinical trial didn't end up working. She had been through at least three cycles of trial and it was her that was courageous enough to ask the doctors if there was any chance of it working at this point. I think at this point she was so fed up with being sick for no reason. If it wasnt working then she was done wasting time and wanted to enjoy the last little bit that she had of life. I am still so impressed with how mature she handled stopping treatment and being ok with gods plan for her. I think that would be so hard especially as young as she is to have the courage and faith to stop treatment and to let God do his thing. Sadly, she got quite a bit of backlash from neighbors and people through the grapevine saying things like she was quitting. It makes me so mad that anyone would ever think she gave up or that she quit. If anyone had to go through what she has been through they probably would've "quit" a lot sooner. She truly gave it her all. 

I think many of us thought she would still have a little bit more time left after she stopped treatment - but honestly it came fast. I still can't believe it. Just earlier this month this was us. She spent the weekend with me down here in St. George. We went to the temple, had lunch with friends and made a killer gingerbread house. She had a cough and was still getting her lung drained about every two weeks, but really and truly I think everyone thought she looked good. 

Our BYU house - we won most spiritual haha. 

That next week she caught a cold of some sort that hit her hard. I remember her telling me she wasnt quite sure she'd recover from this one. I didn't believe her. I figured she'd be just fine after, but honestly she wasnt. The Friday before Christmas she let me know she was going on hospice. Still she made it seem like it was a temporary hospice to have some extra comfort through the holidays and her insurance would allow her to get off of it at the beginning of the year to get more scans. Well that's not how it happened. I had planned to surprise her Monday the 23rd, but both Saturday and Sunday night I was praying she would still be there by Monday. I got her good on Monday morning. I think she was too tired to give any big reaction, but she let me know I surprised her good. she hadn't eaten at this point in almost a week. and she had some difficult discussions with the hospice nurse while I was there. It wasnt difficult for her - like I said - she was so ready to go. but it was difficult for me to hear and I think for her family because me and tara just sat there and cried. I hugged my best friend for the last time that day and bawled my eyes out quite literally till I went to sleep that night. She never told me to come visit her, but that night over Marco Polo she told me she knew she was close, that she really did want to see me one last time and she was so grateful I had come to see her. Im so dang grateful I ditched work that day. 

The next couple of days were Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I checked in on her daily and it was same ole same ole. She let me know that she was able to share her testimony with her whole family one last time while they were all together for the holidays. One thing I have loved is seeing how important it is to Erin to share her story and testimony to those around her. Ive seen her bad, ugly and scary days through cancer, but she truly was a light to so many through this journey. I honestly think Erin was given this trial to strengthen those around her and I sure as heck hope I wasnt the reason she needed to go through cancer, but I was one that still learned a lot through it all. It goes to show that Erin is one of the toughest out there.  And I believe that about her family as well. Well there ya have it folks - my own little eulogy of my best friend. I will forever try to emulate Erin in all I do and how I live. Living life to the fullest by dancing like a fool and not caring what people think, taking any and all opportunities, not being afraid to share your testimony, spending money like there's no tomorrow,  swearing like a sailor and living as if it was your last day on earth. I freaking love you so much Erin. You were my life line here on earth and you better still be my life line up there because I will still be ranting to you all the time. I would say rest easy, but I know you're riding your horses and singing at the top of your lungs. Miss you friend. Save me a seat up there.