Nothing good happens at shift change...

 It's been a pretty crazy week. A very busy week, a fun week and a pretty lonely week. Let me explain... first of the week was spent in St. George and Monday morning was specifically spent in pine valley! Looking ahead for the summer Ive realized I probably won't be able to spend much time there so dad, jack and I decided to go up Monday for some hunting, fishing and visiting grandma. 

The rock chucks have become complacent over the winter so as we pulled into the yard this fella was just chillin right by the old house. So within the first ten minutes of pulling in we grabbed the gun and shot the little guy. By "we" I mean jack. The rock chuck had a little bit left in him to scurry under the house to then die, but jack wasn't about to let him go without getting the recognition photo. Jack used multiple yard tools to drag the dead animal back to where he could grab him from underneath the house. and boom - the photo to prove it. Rock chucks better watch out, cuz we're back. 

Next up - we trudged through the fields, some of them being wet and muddy, to reach the creek. 

We didn't see a single fish, or catch one obviously, but it was pretty and quiet. I enjoyed just sitting there.

Lastly, we visited Grandy. They were prepping for their Alaskan cruise and it was fun to chat with them and catch up. It was also my first time seeing their big ole furry cat. The rest of my time in st.g was spent by the pool. I caught a shuttle Tuesday night back up north where it has been cold and rainy ever since. yay. 

Wednesday night started my week of working night shifts. Honestly this week was on the rougher side. We have been extra short staffed recently which super blows and extra full this week which makes things difficult. My first night I was charge. We received five admissions in the first 5 hours of the shift - I myself got the first two which meant I admitted 2 patients before nine thirty that night. One of the patients I admitted was a hip revision patient with opioid dependency - great. So I was running to the Pyxis to grab multiple types of dilaudid just about every hour it seemed. On top of that - he had a crazy wife that stayed the night and wanted me to take care of her too. So let's be real I had not three patients that night, but four. Anyways - I had this patient and his wife the next night as well - she refused to leave that night even though I told her she was not allowed to stay. The third night however we were able to get the doctors and security involved. The wife fought back with some manipulation, faked falls and needing her husbands walker so "she couldn't leave" but in the end she left hallelujah. It was actually a great night! That mornings shift change had a different idea though. Story time - Its about I would say 0710 and the general surgery intern Im guessing comes up to the desk as we are all giving report and says "how long has room two been like this?" The nurse had given Ativan I guess a little bit earlier so she said "since I gave the Ativan" probably thinking the doc just meant her sleepiness or mild sedation?? The doc goes back in the room and almost immediately comes back out and says "She isn't responsive or treating" So all of us rush down the hall. I called the code while the doc started compressions and others ran to grab supplies, crash cart, etc. Within seconds everyone was there. I have no desire to be an ICU nurse, but it is super cool to watch them just know everything in this type of situation and it definitely makes me want to learn more. I was mostly a runner - tried to stay out of the way, called the blood bank for a massive infusion kit, called pharmacy for TPA, ran to and from the supply room and so forth. I was also able to help with compressions. It wasn't as terrifying as my first time, but still not something I ever voluntarily want to do. By no means am I in as good of shape as I was years ago, but I still run and lift - yeah doesn't matter, compressions are a different beast. Im pretty sure I stepped off the stool and between breathing heavy and my legs shaking, my arms dead, my eyes were a little blurry haha. (Seth would understand). I was also able to see my first IO. Pretty sure it was the ED doc that just drilled right into her right tibia. Pretty gnarly. Like I said - I don't want to be the kind of nurse that deals with these situations all the time, but I sometimes wish I did just so I had more experience. There are still certain things they'll ask me to grab or do and I have no clue what they are talking about. But every experience at the hospital is a learning one. It's interesting because codes are so weird. ive only helped out in one other one (in the ICU) (this was the first legit code on 3west since Ive worked there) but the emotions and sometimes lack of emotions are just straight up weird. You would think compressing a dead woman's chest and seeing her flailing body would be the most traumatic scene, yet in the moment I think adrenaline (at least for me) is so high that really there is no emotion - its just work. and trying to bring her back. But the minute you walk out of the hospital and for the next day all the emotions kinda hit. The fact that I helped the nurse boost that patient that morning at 0500 and then the next time I walked in the room she was dead - it's crazy. It's a very solemn feeling the rest of the day just taking in what happened just that morning. I mentioned earlier about the week being lonely. The night shift schedule is just lonely because it's completely flipped from everyone else in the world. But it's also a lonely feeling to leave work sometimes seeing and doing certain things such as the Saturday morning code and knowing no one else gets it. Like ya people know that it's probably a sucky feeling to see someone die, but it's just completely different. I don't know - just some thoughts of mine I guess. Like its weird to think most people come home from their desk job after staring at a computer screen all day and then they go play pickle ball with their friends and call it a night after never thinking about work again till the next day. Seems nice, but I guess Im also grateful that I get to work with people in some of their most difficult and vulnerable times to the point that I do think about it outside of work. That doesn't make sense, but oh well. Anyways back to Saturday morning. I was waiting outside the room with many others waiting for an opportunity to help when I see an older woman walking out of the elevator with a bouquet of flowers. I immediately turn to my coworker charley and say "I really hope that's not this patients family member." With everything happening doctors had mentioned getting a hold of the family, but it hadn't happened yet. Well, it was this patients mom. It makes me cry just writing this. You could tell she was so excited to see how her daughter was doing that morning and the life immediately left her when she found out it was her daughter we were trying to resuscitate. We grabbed the doctor out of the room (she wasn't running the code) and she talked to the mother in a nearby waiting room. As nurses we all took turns sitting by her, hugging her and crying with her. It was just the night before that she was with her daughter right out of surgery and everything was fine. I can't imagine what she was feeling that morning and still today. Such a sudden loss and definitely not expected. After over an hour of coding the mom told them to stop. I believe an autopsy will be done, but we are thinking probably a clot somewhere. It's now 0845 and Im still at work. We had a debriefing with the CNO to discuss what went well and what we can do better. I found out it was the medicine docs first time running a code, so we all congratulated him. Overall I think the whole thing went well - I honestly just think shift change can be deadly for situations like this because who knows how long she was dead before the doc found her at 0710. It's never fun losing someone, but like the mom said "she isn't suffering anymore." This whole experience makes me reflect on things I need to do better. I think it's normal in life to become complacent, like the rock chucks. There's no need to be on high alert in the winter - well same thing there are some patients who seem to be just fine so you aren't as thorough with assessments, hourly rounding and so forth.  This goes to show it can happen to anyone and we always need to be doing our best. I ended up working a 14 hour shift, luckily the adrenaline got me home safely and honestly wasn't able to fall asleep till about 11am. 

I woke up and didn't feel like doing anything, but I made myself at least get my grocery shopping done. This was staring at me for my drive home from Walmart. Im grateful for my knowledge of life after death, for eternal families and one day being resurrected and living with my father in heaven again. Death is still a very difficult thing for me, but with this knowledge it still gives me hope. I love my job even through the difficult patient and the sad situations. Im grateful for the patients who have left an impact on me, and I hope to do the same for others. Now to continue studying for my midterm... Yes on top of busy work this week it's actually been a really busy week of school too with a group project, discussions and my midterm I have procrastinated. Wish me luck.