life.

Ah man. Real talk - Life, it's weird, fun, exciting, challenging and especially right now - unpredictable. I feel like my life at the moment is very much a guessing game that I never get the answer right. I feel like life is being juggled up in the air and at times it feels like there are too many balls to catch and I end up dropping them all. Recently, life has been an epic FAIL. Not trying to seem like a cry baby because I know everyone feels like this at least a couple times in their life, but it sucks. Truly sucks. So one of the first fails I've experienced is through my running and marathon training. I experienced this fail last year so its not my first rodeo, but this year it was almost worse. I love running and people know I love running. But getting injured and backing out of multiple races the past couple years is rough. At times I have felt weak, like my body cant handle this task. I hated those weeks of rest through my injury feeling pathetic for having some "serious pain" even though we weren't even sure what was injured. Super frustrating. Good news - I am back running but its not all sparkles and rainbows. Trying to get back into the groove of running after taking off over a month has been hard. Im not at the level I was and Ive lost most my motivation to be honest. Im still going to attempt the stg marathon this weekend so hopefully thats not too bad of a fail. I really am grateful for my body and the things it is able to be put through. I mean I put it through quite a bit so no wonder I get injured sometimes. Speaking of running - I have been loving coaching the kinder-fresh desert hills xc team. I get to hang out with these middle schoolers a couple days a week and hopefully help them learn to love running as much as I do. We have a lot of fun like playing infection in the sprinklers, eating popsicles, having plank competitions, running some miles and racing hard.

I also still love to babysit and I recently got to watch baby lettie Jo while landree was at school. Why am I already baby hungry? 

She's getting so big, yet she's still so small. Seriously though - she is three months and still doesn't weigh as much as I did when I was born. #thicc lol

One thing I am definitely not failing in is school. And by school I mean my one class - human bio. 

Im taking a whopping 3 credits at dixie this semester and I don't think Ive ever been so bored. I come home from my one hour class every Tuesday and Thursday and I don't know what to do with myself especially considering Ive taken higher level biology classes so this is all old news for me. I got a 102% on my test last week with maybe 10 minutes of scanning my notes. Like I said, Im kinda bored.  But its kind of fun knowing what the professor is talking about and refreshing my brain. 

This semester Ive picked up a couple babysitting jobs here and there. Ive also picked up a little job to pick my neighbor up from preschool. I make some decent money each week taking 20 minutes out of my day to pick up this cutie. Sometimes she even falls asleep haha. Preschool is rough. 

And on my days off I make some time for the temple. Six more people were given the opportunity to be baptized and thats cool - definitely something to smile about. On the other hand, something that had me doing the opposite of smiling... Yesterday was not the best thats for sure. I applied for the DSU nursing program earlier this month, well the email came yesterday that I had been thinking about and to be honest looking forward to all month. I didn't want to be overly cocky, but I was confident in myself enough to know that I would make a good nursing student. I knew there was a chance I wouldn't make it so I always tried to bring myself back to reality, but seriously I thought I had a pretty dang good chance. Well the email came and I checked it right after I got off work. As I was walking through the parking lot I opened my email to anything but a CONGRATULATIONS so I immediately was disappointed. If I'm being real I was pretty shocked. I kept waiting for another email saying that they had sent me the wrong email and I was actually accepted. Well it didn't happen and I cried the whole way home, for the next two hours and pretty much whenever someone brought it up.  I failed. At least thats what it felt like. Its never a good feeling when you are told you aren't wanted or you aren't good enough. And still I question why I wasn't chosen. I have good test scores, grades, work experience, volunteer hours, everything they asked for yet I didn't make it. Luckily I know everything works out and there is a reason for everything, but geez it would be easier to accept failure  if I was just able to know what it was preparing me for in the future. Sadly its not that easy, so I just have to get up and try again knowing that it'll all work out for the best. There are a few things from this failure that I have learned and that I am grateful for. First the fact that I do indeed want to be a nurse. Giving up or going into something else has never crossed my mind, if anything my motivation to be the best nurse I can has increased. I know for sure its what I want for my future. Well I don't even know if these words will make sense, but its what is on my mind and i figured I need to jot it down for future generations. Without a little failure we wouldn't fully appreciate the successes right?